I have an idea. I don't have the energy to complete it, but I want to...kind of. I don't want to end up hating this if I actually do make it happen.
I want to create a production of my life thus far in the form of a story with auditory and visual art. Other than me being very apathetic toward everything that I do, no one would come to see this because everyone that would come would have a part in this production. It wouldn't be a musical because those are mostly stupid and monotonous. I would write a story to be read by a narrator during the performance. After each small chapter, I would perform a song about said text with lots of help from friends and musicians. I feel that this would leave people with an uneasiness and indifference because my story is not over and the end of the production would not be the end of my life. Most people enjoy things with resolution because it gives them a comfort in the hope that everything will work out and be all right. Well, I don't know that yet. This would be a lot of fun to do.
We'll see.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
TooDoo DooDoo List
I have been a little busy making a to-do list in my head for the past for weeks. There are certain things that I would like to accomplish this summer that should give my life a bit more order. Some will only be started in the summer and continue on past August, but I at least would like to get them started. I am taking suggestions for things that could be fun or productive. These suggestions, however, may not come from either of my parents if they pertain to cleaning my room or straightening up at their house. This is a list of things I actually "desire" to do.
Fix up a Schwinn World Sport bicycle that has been unused for far too long.
Clean up the old dart board that has received a few bed sores from sitting in the garage.
Buy darts for said board and start practicing so that I can hussle fools at the Little Brown Jug.
Write songs that I don't end up loathing and being embarrassed of later.
Lose my gut, and build muscle mass while keeping my high alcohol tolerance.
Rid myself of tobacco products in preparation for government to "raw-dog" the majority of my adult life.
Save money.
Limiting myself and roommates to 6 minute showers. Water isn't too costly but water heaters are.
Pissing outside more often.
2 camping trips. 1 with my dad for a day or two with some intense fishing and eating. 1 with my friends with some moderate fishing, extreme liberation, and intense inebriation.
Being neater and more diligent with my room and common areas.
Limiting myself to 2 hookers per week.
Ride the Schwinn at least 1 hour per day. I'd like to start riding for a certain distance and raise the bar a bit every week. No, I do not want to participate in some cycling marathon. I enjoy real sports. I don't want to be the best at exercising.
Make an album with my good friend Clark. I want to record every instrument. Suggestions on instruments to incorporate?
Clean an old fish tank and put an animal/some animals in it.
Grow some plants. I don't really care what type of plant but I would like to make something grow and be nice to look at, or smell...or smoke or sell!!!!! (calm down, Father-I keed I keed)
Make some wine.
Build a small still just to see if I can do it. I do believe that it is legal to produce 1 gallon per year as long as you don't sell it.
Suggestions? Comments? Questions? Wanna give me money? Wanna be my friend?
Fix up a Schwinn World Sport bicycle that has been unused for far too long.
Clean up the old dart board that has received a few bed sores from sitting in the garage.
Buy darts for said board and start practicing so that I can hussle fools at the Little Brown Jug.
Write songs that I don't end up loathing and being embarrassed of later.
Lose my gut, and build muscle mass while keeping my high alcohol tolerance.
Rid myself of tobacco products in preparation for government to "raw-dog" the majority of my adult life.
Save money.
Limiting myself and roommates to 6 minute showers. Water isn't too costly but water heaters are.
Pissing outside more often.
2 camping trips. 1 with my dad for a day or two with some intense fishing and eating. 1 with my friends with some moderate fishing, extreme liberation, and intense inebriation.
Being neater and more diligent with my room and common areas.
Limiting myself to 2 hookers per week.
Ride the Schwinn at least 1 hour per day. I'd like to start riding for a certain distance and raise the bar a bit every week. No, I do not want to participate in some cycling marathon. I enjoy real sports. I don't want to be the best at exercising.
Make an album with my good friend Clark. I want to record every instrument. Suggestions on instruments to incorporate?
Clean an old fish tank and put an animal/some animals in it.
Grow some plants. I don't really care what type of plant but I would like to make something grow and be nice to look at, or smell...or smoke or sell!!!!! (calm down, Father-I keed I keed)
Make some wine.
Build a small still just to see if I can do it. I do believe that it is legal to produce 1 gallon per year as long as you don't sell it.
Suggestions? Comments? Questions? Wanna give me money? Wanna be my friend?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
the drink and the dirty hands
The reason I chose this as the name of one of my musical projects has a few possible meanings. As of late, people have begun to ask me about it. I used to answer with: "formulate your own meanings: you're going to do it whether I tell you or not." For me it means that everyone has dirty hands. The drink comes for multiple reasons and is not limited to having only one philosophy. The drink comes to help dealing with trying to hide the dirty hands. The drink comes to cause one to become loose-tongued and reveals the dirty hands. The drink is the dirty hands. The drink numbs one so that he or she doesn't have to think about the dirty hands that that person only knows about. The drink comes when the dirty hands are revealed to deal with the consequences.
Nolan Smock, Eric Von Kopp, and John Massengill have been added to the group. This is going to be a good thing. www.myspace.com/thedrinkandthedirtyhands. I'm back.
Nolan Smock, Eric Von Kopp, and John Massengill have been added to the group. This is going to be a good thing. www.myspace.com/thedrinkandthedirtyhands. I'm back.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Trying
I have not used this blog thing for a while. I have been very busy, but not so much that I haven't been filling up my time with using the internet on occasion, so I guess there is no excuse.
If you would like to see what I have been filling my time with, you can check these links:
www.myspace.com/thedrinkandthedirtyhands
www.last.fm/user/laflava
Despite the fact that no one reads this but me (and I don't even read it), I want to share something with you, the reader, even if this is just a hollow pocket of telephone lines and other technological gadgets. All of my life, I have seen people that couldn't. I have seen people who didn't. I have seen people who won't. My ill-planned, renegade behavior over the last year or so has left me almost completely alone. I was fool hardy to rush in with my brash blood and take on so many things and situations. I used to be angry because I didn't understand why these people didn't stand up for themselves, their ideals (only when I deemed them "right"), and for others. One of my favorite movies is Thank You For Smoking. If you have not seen it or read the book, do it now. I enjoy books, but the movie drove the point much harder. I understand why the people I have encountered can't, didn't, and won't. The main character in the story is a lobbyist for big tobacco. In an interview, a reporter asks him why he does what he does. His answer was this: "To pay the mortgage." I have learned that there is nothing wrong with paying this debt/price. More than anything, I believe that sacrifice is one of the largest pieces in the puzzle of life. Ideals will always remain within their holders, though they may not be voiced. The sacrifice of opening one's mouth for the sake of supporting his/her self and others is one to be admired and respected. It is the way the world works. People can't always say what they want to because they have to pay the mortgage. Most people have things that they can lose by opening their mouths. I do not. Perhaps it was self-righteous (especially to think that anyone actually needs my help), but I have become an advocate for those who have something to lose because I do not. I speak my mind, not only because I like to, but because there are people who cannot. I do not view myself as a martyr or anything like it. I am simply trying to help. However, I found that my tries to help, while they may work for others, do not work so well for me. Without sounding pompous, I feel that I have been sacrificing myself in this way. Sacrifice for a martyr is for the purpose of being a martyr: I did not intend for things to turn out like they have. I have become a sacrificing person in hindsight. Alienating myself was never my intention, but it is undoubtedly the outcome of my choices. Is it all worth it? It is worth is to fight for a homosexual friend against close minded Christians if it means being hated for saying what they simply could not? Is it worth it to say what so many are thinking and dealing with the consequences that they could not? I have always heard that you can't help anyone else unless you help yourself first. Secure your mask before trying to assist others. I cannot answer these questions. I am alone for the sake of helping others to be accepted, loved, and cared for. Is it worth it? Is my merit measured by the risks I take for others? Am I viewed as selfish because some think I only do what I do because it "gets me off?" I don't go looking to pick fights and offend. However, it is very hard to sit idly by while injustice sets in. I use coarse and crude language in my arguments for many reasons. No one will intently read what I write or listen to what I say if my language is bland. This is where I rely on shock value. People are more enticed by "bad" things and are more inclined to read things that they can't believe I'm saying because of my shocking vocabulary. If I continue down this road, I will lose so much. Mainly, I will lose opportunities. I will lose opportunities for relationships, respect from people that don't understand, and love. For some 10-odd years I have found myself enthralled with very few women, none of which find my actions of late attractive in the least. I can think of one in particular who would never have anything to do with me because of the things I say and do because no one seems to understand that I do these things for others. Yes, I could change my approach, but the point would not hit like it needs to. I could be nicer and try to only have good things to say, but it would be a lie. I consider myself nice in my doing for others, and if everything was good, I would acknowledge that.
There are two options for me. I can keep doing what I'm doing and suffer the consequences, or I can keep my mouth shut and pay the mortgage. I can become more appealing to that which I desire, or commit social suicide by sticking to my principles. It is time to decide.
If you would like to see what I have been filling my time with, you can check these links:
www.myspace.com/thedrinkandthedirtyhands
www.last.fm/user/laflava
Despite the fact that no one reads this but me (and I don't even read it), I want to share something with you, the reader, even if this is just a hollow pocket of telephone lines and other technological gadgets. All of my life, I have seen people that couldn't. I have seen people who didn't. I have seen people who won't. My ill-planned, renegade behavior over the last year or so has left me almost completely alone. I was fool hardy to rush in with my brash blood and take on so many things and situations. I used to be angry because I didn't understand why these people didn't stand up for themselves, their ideals (only when I deemed them "right"), and for others. One of my favorite movies is Thank You For Smoking. If you have not seen it or read the book, do it now. I enjoy books, but the movie drove the point much harder. I understand why the people I have encountered can't, didn't, and won't. The main character in the story is a lobbyist for big tobacco. In an interview, a reporter asks him why he does what he does. His answer was this: "To pay the mortgage." I have learned that there is nothing wrong with paying this debt/price. More than anything, I believe that sacrifice is one of the largest pieces in the puzzle of life. Ideals will always remain within their holders, though they may not be voiced. The sacrifice of opening one's mouth for the sake of supporting his/her self and others is one to be admired and respected. It is the way the world works. People can't always say what they want to because they have to pay the mortgage. Most people have things that they can lose by opening their mouths. I do not. Perhaps it was self-righteous (especially to think that anyone actually needs my help), but I have become an advocate for those who have something to lose because I do not. I speak my mind, not only because I like to, but because there are people who cannot. I do not view myself as a martyr or anything like it. I am simply trying to help. However, I found that my tries to help, while they may work for others, do not work so well for me. Without sounding pompous, I feel that I have been sacrificing myself in this way. Sacrifice for a martyr is for the purpose of being a martyr: I did not intend for things to turn out like they have. I have become a sacrificing person in hindsight. Alienating myself was never my intention, but it is undoubtedly the outcome of my choices. Is it all worth it? It is worth is to fight for a homosexual friend against close minded Christians if it means being hated for saying what they simply could not? Is it worth it to say what so many are thinking and dealing with the consequences that they could not? I have always heard that you can't help anyone else unless you help yourself first. Secure your mask before trying to assist others. I cannot answer these questions. I am alone for the sake of helping others to be accepted, loved, and cared for. Is it worth it? Is my merit measured by the risks I take for others? Am I viewed as selfish because some think I only do what I do because it "gets me off?" I don't go looking to pick fights and offend. However, it is very hard to sit idly by while injustice sets in. I use coarse and crude language in my arguments for many reasons. No one will intently read what I write or listen to what I say if my language is bland. This is where I rely on shock value. People are more enticed by "bad" things and are more inclined to read things that they can't believe I'm saying because of my shocking vocabulary. If I continue down this road, I will lose so much. Mainly, I will lose opportunities. I will lose opportunities for relationships, respect from people that don't understand, and love. For some 10-odd years I have found myself enthralled with very few women, none of which find my actions of late attractive in the least. I can think of one in particular who would never have anything to do with me because of the things I say and do because no one seems to understand that I do these things for others. Yes, I could change my approach, but the point would not hit like it needs to. I could be nicer and try to only have good things to say, but it would be a lie. I consider myself nice in my doing for others, and if everything was good, I would acknowledge that.
There are two options for me. I can keep doing what I'm doing and suffer the consequences, or I can keep my mouth shut and pay the mortgage. I can become more appealing to that which I desire, or commit social suicide by sticking to my principles. It is time to decide.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Country
I listened to a country radio station today and it left me very disappointed. It seems that most all music sounds like mediocre praise and worship and CCM music. Seriously. I recommend going to projectplaylist.com and searching for 1 popular country artist, 1 popular rock artist, and 1 popular CCM artist. Compare these and see the similarities. I will not include rap music because most of it is an absolute joke. No, I'm not some artsy white boy that claims "I only listen to good hip-hop, not rap." I can just tell good music from bad music. Call it a gift, but I view it as a curse because I don't fit in with every one else. More than anything, I want to be stupid and ignorant and naive and enjoy popular music today, but I cannot. Therefore, I will listen to David Allen Coe and renew my respects for Merle and Waylon tonight, and will keep my middle finger up to all the rest. Thanks for reading.
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